histoire drôle

J'en ai une autre, d'histoire drôle : les socialistes veulent rendre le vote obligatoire. Après la déroute (branl**) des élections locales, ils pensent pouvoir grapiller des voix dans le 93, ex-fief coco. Les anciens cocos voteront aux extrêmes (mélanchtout et marine nationale), mais certainement pas socialistes. Et s'ils veulent gagner le vote des musulmans, avec le mariage homo, c'est pas gagné les gars.

Une petite dernière pour la route : le porte-parole du parti socialiste et celui de la Cour des comptes... c'est le même (la même). Vive la transparence
Bien entendu, ça ne fait pas la une des merdia de notre chère république bananière. On va finir par envier la Corée du nord ou Cuba. Dans les campagnes, on se marre bien

Pile a écrit:

Je viens d'acheter le livre d'Alexandre Despretz "Les bonnes excuses des mauvais conducteurs".

"Monsieur l'agent, quand j'ai passé mon permis en 1965, le téléphone n'existait pas, alors je ne suis pas concerné !"

Agent : L'enfant à l'arrière n'est pas ceinturé.
Conducteur : C'est pas le mien !

Ou qqch comme ça. Entendu à la tv.

Moi, je suis de bonne foi : le flic m'arrête pour excès de vitesse. Je descends en rigolant. Il m'a dit que j'avais l'air de le prendre bien. J'ai admis que cela faisait 30 ans+ que je ne respectais pas les limitations de vitesse. 90 euro en 30 ans, c'est bien amorti.
Désormais, je les respecte car je n'ai sans doute plus 30 ans devant moi.

Man Get’s Selected To Be A Judge At A Chili Cook-Off. This Is Hilarious.

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico.

"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in... I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge # 3."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting red-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT ... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 -- No report.

Un coup à ne plus pouvoir manger-et-pisser.
J'ai bien ri. Ma cas n'est donc pas sans espoir.

Puydedomix a écrit:

Un coup à ne plus pouvoir manger-et-pisser.
J'ai bien ri. Ma cas n'est donc pas sans espoir.

Ma cas is desperate.

Pile a écrit:

Puydedomix a écrit:

Ma cas is desperate.

Il existe un remède, mais c'est plutôt violent ; écoute un des très nombreux discours du faux mage de Hollande.

Celui sur la Macédonie ?

Pile a écrit:

Herald Sun a écrit:

Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland ‘
The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’
The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’
The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin , I am.’
The first one responds, ‘So am I!’
‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’
The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’
The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’ The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’
The first one exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!’
About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.
Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’
Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’
‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’

Au début, je me suis dis que c'était une histoire d'ivogne qui parlait à son double dans le miroir. J'étais pas loin.

Le PS serre les fesses dans le Bas-Rein.

https://youtu.be/bZ_BoOlAXyk


pas de ma faute

Le CHOC !!! Le PS est susceptible d'emporter 3 régions !!! Tous aux abris.

Puydedomix a écrit:

Le CHOC !!! Le PS est susceptible d'emporter 3 régions !!! Tous aux abris.

Où ça ?
Antarctique ?
Terre de feu ?
Atlantide ?
Utopia ?

Pile a écrit:

Puydedomix a écrit:

Le CHOC !!! Le PS est susceptible d'emporter 3 régions !!! Tous aux abris.

Où ça ?
Antarctique ?
Terre de feu ?
Atlantide ?
Utopia ?

Aux Kergelen, en Terre Adélie et Clipperton

Marie-Marthe a écrit:

Le homard des pauvres peut être bientôt le notre

Mais !!!!!! Mais !!!!!!!!! Ça ressemble au homard que j'ai acheté cette semaine.
On m'aurait menti à l'insu de mon plein gré ?!

Des gens intelligents il y en a 5 à 6 % ; moi je fais campagne pour les cons.
Georges Frêche

Il manque au P.A.F. je trouve.

Au fait, il est mort de mort naturelle ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY949ROPKus

J'ai une grosse mite.
et je veux un milliard, pas un billard.

http://www.boursorama.com/actualites/chomage-l-inversion-de-la-courbe-est-la-assure-myriam-el-khomri-malgre-les-mauvais-chiffres-90b8703f183a85b50100c7a701a85eab

Pour l'article et surtout les commentaires
Mais, au fait, doit-on en rire ?